By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. help please!!! The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. My son is 18 mos old. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . I breastfeed and she doesnt like when I look at her or she will fuss again. I am so confused and sad. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. Pump or hand express your milk. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? You are and always will be their only mother. there babys there used to those that give them there needs and time and attention Im going on my 3rd baby and what i find affective is how the care provider response when you get there Im always excited and hug and kiss daddy when he is home and thats how my children respond they love daddy but when they want or need something its always mommy and believe me some time i want it to be daddy, MY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREFERS ANYONE BUT ME, EVEN THO I BREAST FEED, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL, I TRY NO TO SPOIL HER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY DAUGHTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NICE AND SO ON I NEVER HAD A POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION SO IT CANT BE THATIM LAID OFF SO IM WITH HER 24/7 NO ONE HAS EVER BABY SET HER I DONT HAVE MY PARENTS NEAR OR ANY FAMILY, BUT MY HUSBAND FAMILY COME OVER AROUND TWICE A WEEK I ALWAYS WANTED HER TO BE OPEN WITH PEOPLE AND NOT TO BE SHY SO I THAGTH HER TO LOVE EVERY ONE ESPECIALLY HER GRANDMOTHER BUT NOW I THINK I DID MISTAKE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANY MORE :( IS DEPRESSING ME NOW PLEASE HELP ME..IAM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES THANK YOU. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, Planning ahead can make the transition easier. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. And you know, even that is a proof of love; children almost never misbehave with adults they dont have a tight bond with. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. If anything, it will harm the situation more. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. You are unhappy and your son and you dont have much fun together. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. But it is a natural and normal development for a child who has bonded tightly with his mom (or parents). When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. I bathe with her, I nurse her, I stay up with her in the wee hours of the night, I sing to her, I play with her, I carry her, I feed her, I change her I cannot fathom how she could possible love her caregiver or father more than me. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. Some babies who take a bottle early . 2.) I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. And hug your wife. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. Adjustment takes time. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. Thank you so much for responding so quickly! Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. So worried he is forgeting about me. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. "Be gentle with yourself, moms! Is soo upseting bcuz this just sterted like a week ago befor it seemed that i was his everyhing he lovedd to be with me! However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? I did not breastfeed her as a baby. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Just show you love them and never give up on them. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? Hi Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. You are not the only mother this has happened to. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. My daughter is 15months old. What should I do Please help. Hi everyone, I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. I was already reluctant to leave my son and I cried 30 minutes down the road and every night before I fell asleep missing him. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. thanks for listening to my views. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? I think there are two things you should do. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. And when I get her home she ignores me. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. I miss my baby terribly. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. Ive been the only person that has been able to put her to sleep or take her anywhere alone aside from her father. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. So I came online, and read this entire thread. She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. Over the 2 years I have been in a terrible custody battle and its still going on right now. i feel so alone and depressed. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. Toddler Milestones. Or that babies dont do that. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. So thanks for speaking up! Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. This can make a toddler feel like mom has been taken away or even rejected. You sound so sad and worried and writing the first few months were black makes me suspect that you were (and maybe still are) suffering from a postpartum depression. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). seems like they dont need me anymore. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. Speak with Your Boss. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. 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